Wednesday, April 22, 2009

i'm feeling blue.

today i came back to my dorm room from my last final to find my roommate gone and her side of the room looking completely like a jail cell. there was NOTHING there. bare white cinderblock walls. old blue mattress. clean empty floor. clear desk. 

i thought she was only moving a few things home and we would move out tomorrow.
i immediately felt this empty, sick feeling.
i thought i had a heart attack followed by depression.
for some reason i didn't know this freshman year would come to a close. where did this year go?  i still remember when everything was so new. names were a blur. it was so fun to come home to my "place"... my computer. my desk. my bed. my things.
i hadn't thought through that i am done here. it's over.

no more cannon.
no more helaman halls.
no more dance parties in the parking lot at 2 am.
no more hall full of smiling girls.
no more shower parties where i provide the music.
no more dinner with friends every night while scoping out the men.
no more late movie nights in kait and claire's room or on our couch.
no more midnight oreo snacking with friends.
no more walking up that hill of death to campus.
no more free food whenever i want.
no more free everything.

i didn't realize how much fun i was having here and what i'd miss.
i know i shouldn't hate change. but i can't help it. i've never done well with it.
why do we have to move on to new things in life?
i'm still trying to get over high school and Dance Club.

so now i think i'm sleeping in my dorm alone tonight.
with a desolate opposite side :'(

i don't want to say goodbye to these people. 
i don't want to say goodbye to this place.
life is so convenient in the dorms.

trace adkins' song is constantly my theme song:
you're going to miss this.
you're going to want this back.
you're going to wish this days hadn't gone by so fast.
these are the good times.
so take a good look around.
you may not know it now,
but you're going to miss this.

1 comment:

andrea said...

Ugh.....that made me sad to read and I'm not even going through it! Go home, and hang with your sisters....that will cheer you up!